Well .............. I am having a hard time trying to decide on something. It's either me or humanity. Argh, this kind of "choose either" questions were a piece of cake but this time, it's not that case for me.
Me:
Though i have been living with what i am given, doesn't means that i am satisfied with it. However, I have nothing to complain. I am just wondering why: Is this fate or this is becoming common? I am so determine to keep a distance from "this kind" of people. Tsk, not that i mind about them being different, but why so many of them appearing in my life? They are really nice people and they treated me well. Unpleasantly, i have to keep this aside from whatever i am judging this time.
I know deep down in me can't and won't accept this. I am avoiding to make a choice now. Yes, i feel disgusted. Really. I don't want to get influence. Not even a part of me is willing to agree/accept/get influence. I am sure that i don't like it at all. I believe this is a kind of complication which will mess up my mind and get my mind all fuck up again. (Singlish) Me, beg you, kind of people, don't come near me, please.
Humanity:
As like i said, they are all nice people. Unfortunately or fortunately they play quite an important role in my life. Whether i judge their personality or their sexuality both together or separately it won't make a difference. I can't afford to lose any. I can't do this to anyone out there. I just can't do it. It's too inhuman. I can't, too hard to choose. And if i did, i will be guilty for life. Choosing to please myself will only proves that i am not good enough to be their good friend or probably deserve this much from them or better; that particular someone. I should give 100% understanding than saying this here, feeling lost and what not.
IT'S ME AGAINST MYSELF.
I loathe it and i won't put this to an end this way. I don't want to change anything or anyone, at the same time whatever my decision is, i want to follow my heart. I know the answer very well. M vs H, M wins. But i don't want to let go of this H.................. Either way i lose a part of me. It is just whether that i lose more of me or lesser of me.I am tired, i like pong2 :) It is right to be away for awhile. I loath to decide.
I thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me
